Lie v. lay

No-one gets these right. We need to start a petition to get rid of one or the other.

Let's start off with the obvious.

To lie, meaning to tell an untruth, is a regular verb, so its past tense is lied.

But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about people in horizontal positions.

To lie (down), lay, lain is an intransitive verb. That is to say, it does not take an object. You do not lie someone or something. You simply lie down and close your eyes.

To lay, laid, laid is a transitive verb. It does take an object. It means to put down, place in a horizontal position. It also means to deposit an egg (if you're a hen) and to prepare the table (you lay a cloth over it, you see).  So you lay down your weary head and close your eyes. You may also lay out a plan.

These would not be so damned confusing were it not that the present tense of the second transitive verb happens to be the same as the past tense of the first intransitive verb. Further confusion is added by the similarity of meaning.

If it helps, to "lay" a person is a rather vulgar way of saying to have sexual intercourse with - you place him or her in a horizontal position and...