More of a

 Avoid  expressions such as "There is more of a focus on" cu

Unnecessary defining relative clauses

A common but usually redundant form of defining relative clause becomes necessary when a key word is redefined as another, as in the following example: 

Genius is a concept that has been idealized.

Genius is equated with "concept",  whereupon "concept" is defined by the relative clause beginning with "that".

Far easier and more direct is: 

Genius has been idealized.

Don’t complicate by renaming (genius=concept) and then adding a relative clause to define the new name (that has been idealized).

Essays: Decision 1: Approach

When you sit down to write your piece, you must decide whether you are:

giving directions; or,

reporting events; or

explaining ideas; or,

persuading; or 

inventing a story. 

We can cross out the last because here we are doing composition, not creative writing.  

Which approach are you going to be using? Start from here: once you know this, you can decide on your "pattern of development" (q.v.). 

Essays: Word counts

A standard  double-spaced A4 page contains c. 250 words. 

When your professor does not supply specific numbers, use these standards:

Paragraph: 50 to 150 words

Short paper/Writing assignment: 150 to 350 words 

Medium-sized paper/Writing assignment: 350 to 750 words

Long paper/Essay: 800 to 1,250 words

Term paper/Final essay: 1,500 to 2,500 words

Thesis: 3,000 words and up

Not only...but also

Not only...but also.

To use this correlative conjunction properly, make sure the “but also” part is adding to and reinforcing the “not only” part.

Do not use this particular conjunction to highlight a difference or link a negative with a positive.

Here are three examples of how NOT to do it:

Not only does the crop generate enormous profits for producers and food companies, but it also leads to enormous public health problems. 

(An apparent positive is tied inappropriately to a negative).

Not only did she attend the meeting, but also she left early.
(Incorrect because "left early" is not reinforcing "attended the meeting," but rather contrasting it).

Not only is he not a good listener, but also he's a great friend.
(The second clause does not reinforce the negative aspect of the first clause. Instead, it presents a positive quality.)

Now, here are three examples of proper usage of "not only... but also":

Reinforcing a positive: Not only is she intelligent, but also she's incredibly kind and compassionate.
Both clauses highlight positive qualities, reinforcing each other.


Reinforcing a negative: Not only did he fail to complete the project on time, but also he didn't even bother to apologize.
Both clauses emphasize negative actions, strengthening the overall negative impact.


Adding a surprising or unexpected detail: Not only is she a talented musician, but also she's a skilled mathematician.
The second clause adds an unexpected dimension to the first, making the sentence more interesting.

Hardly

 It hardly seems possible, yet I find I need to explain this word. 

It means barely, scarcely  or "almost not." 

It is not the adverbial form of the adjective "hard" meaning difficult.

The adverbial form of the adjective "hard" meaning difficult is "hard." 

I worked hard for this job and I deserve it more than that lazy cheat who hardly worked at all and just charmed his way in. 

Double negatives

In standard written English, which is what we use, double negatives are very frowned upon, so avoid them.

The argument that double negatives cancel one another out, as if English followed the rules of arithmetic, is invalid and ill-informed. It just so happens that double negatives are currently out of fashion in academic English. Perhaps one day they will return; never say never.

So NEVER do this:

• I don't know nothing about that.
• She ain't never seen a movie before.
• They didn't do nothing wrong.
• I can't find nowhere to park.
• He doesn't have no money.
• We didn't see nobody at the party.
• Don't you never tell nobody about this.
• I won't never forgive him.
• She didn't want nothing to do with it.
• There isn't nobody home.

Nor any of this, which is hopelessly confused and confusing:

• Few people in the world are not aware of the dangers of climate change.
• Few people in the world are not touched by the beauty of nature.
• Few people in the world are not influenced by social media.
• Nowhere in the world is there not some sort of civilization

Also avoid these double negatives which, though they can be made to make sense in the end, overtax the intellect and the patience of the reader: 

• Only a few people in the world are not aware of the dangers of climate change.
• Hardly anyone in the world is not touched by the beauty of nature.
• Scarcely anyone in the world is not influenced by social media.
• Only a handful of people in the world are not grateful for the simple things in life.
• Barely anyone in the world is not fascinated by the mysteries of the universe.

To see how these should be done, see the section on negative inversion; or simply remove the word "not" from the examples above.

Transitional phrases

A transitional phrase serves to  link ideas between sentences, clarify or emphasize a point,  or  both.  

Used properly, transitional phrases (or transitional  "signals") guide your reader by enhancing the coherence and flow of sentences within a paragraph,  but get in the way if overused. 

Too many transitional signals communicate uncertainty and doubt. 😧😧😨

Here is a list of some common transitional signals categorized by their functions:

Addition

 additionally; furthermore;  moreover; in addition; also; besides; what's more

NB: If you keep using  moreover, in addition, additionally and  furthermore, you give the impression that the ideas are only occurring to you as you write them. The reader will think that you are  incapable of organizing your thoughts ahead of time. It's almost as if you're saying, "Oh yeah, here's another thing I forgot to say." 

Contrast and contradiction

however; on the other hand; nevertheless; notwithstanding; nonetheless; in contrast; by contrast; on the contrary; conversely; unlike; 

NB: If you use these signals, make sure they point to a genuine contrast, contradiction or unexpected outcome in the text. 

however, on the other hand and   by contrast  often look best in "second position" between the subject and verb rather than as the first words (Opponents of the scheme, by contrast/however/on the other hand,  objected to the environmental cost).

Cause and effect

therefore;  thus;  consequently; as a result of; because of; accordingly; hence; for this reason

NB: Many of these signals are hard to use right. Rarely should thus or therefore be used as first words in a sentence (I also deal with these words in separate lessons contained in this book). Hence is a little old-fashioned and also surprisingly hard to use right.  For this reason forces the reader to re-read the previous sentence to identify the reason, which is not a good idea. This is  a hard set of words to use, so be careful. 

Comparison

similarly; likewise; in the same way; by comparison; in a similar vein; analogously, equally, correspondingly; (just) like; as;  just as  

NB:  Like is often prepositional and is followed by a direct object (like him, like them, just like a coward), whereas similarly, likewise, in the same way and  in a similar vein often introduce a whole clause. 

Example:

(Just) like Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg is surrounded by yes-men.

Musk needs fans on Twitter to feed his ego.  Similarly, Zuckerberg relies on others for his self-esteem 

Emphasis

in fact; indeed; certainly; of course; indeed

NB:  Overuse of these terms of emphasis will result in prose that seems always to be contradicting  or second-guessing itself. It is usually better  to make your point clear the first time round than to stop  and specify with a second sentence with one of these transitional signals. 

The French Revolution was a pivotal event in modern history. In fact,😧 it had a far-reaching impact on political and social thought across the globe.

Just make the point directly: 

The French Revolution was a pivotal event in modern history that had a far-reaching impact on political and social thought across the globe.

Climate change is a pressing global issue.  Indeed, 😧 it poses a serious threat to the environment and human well-being --> Climate change is a pressing global issue that 😇 poses a serious threat to the environment and human well-being.

Example

for example; for instance; such as; namely

NB: The first two sit  happily at the top of a sentence; the second two do not.  

Conclusion/Summary

 in conclusion; in sum; in summary; all told

NB: The phrase in conclusion at the conclusion of your essay is usually redundant.  Your reader can see that the text ends, so why bother with the unnecessary  announcement?

Avoid clichés such as in the end, at the end of the day, when all is said and done.

The verb "to tell" also means "to count". The person who counts your money in the bank is the teller, and the machine that distributes cash is an automatic telling machine (ATM).  The expression "all told" therefore means  "including everything in the count/ taking everything into consideration".  

Metaphors: why "become" is a bad verb

 This is a little hard to explain, but  let's give it a go. 

The verb "become" and similar verbs such as turn  into, transform into, come to resemble should generally not be used to introduce a metaphorical phrase because for it to work, a metaphor must seem to be a natural analogy to something that is already there or already exists in a state that is analogous to the thing being described. 

See?  I told you it is hard to explain. So let's look at some examples. 

After years under the tyranny of the oppressors, the conquered regions become a powder keg, liable to explode at the slightest spark.

What is wrong with this? Well it is ok to liken something to a powder keg, but it  does not make sense to suggest that it will later become similar to a powder keg. The thing about powder kegs is that they are liable to go off at any minute. So it makes no sense to worry that in the future a region may become like a powder keg. 

Generally, a metaphor should be already there, so to speak, not something into which something else has to develop. 

Outside the box

 Given that to “think outside the box” is one of the most clichéd phrases in the language, anyone who claims to do so demonstrably does not.

Subject alignment

Semantic subject - grammatical subject

The semantic subject of a discourse is the main topic or the central idea being discussed. The grammatical subject of a sentence is the part of the sentence that performs the action. 

To identify the grammatical subject, you diagram the sentence and its parts of speech. Diagramming is also known as parsing, and it looks something like this: 

When these two align, it means that the main topic of your discussion is also the entity performing the action in your sentences.

In simple terms, is the thing you are talking about the first thing to appear in your sentence? 

 If not, why not? (You may have a good reason).

Aligning the semantic subject with the grammatical subject enhances the clarity of your writing by keeping the reader's attention on the most important person, thing or concept.

In simple terms, put the important thing first and make sure it takes a verb that makes sense.

Verb v verb + noun phrase

 "To increase" is stronger and more direct than phrases like "to make an increase" or "to cause an increase" because it is more concise and eliminates unnecessary words. In English, concise and direct language is often perceived as more powerful and effective. Using a single verb instead of a verb+noun phrase can make the sentence clearer and more impactful. Here are ten examples illustrating this principle:

1. Verb+Noun Phrase: "They will perform an investigation." Improved with Verb Alone: "They will investigate."

2. Verb+Noun Phrase: "She will make a decision." Improved with Verb Alone: "She will decide."

3. Verb+Noun Phrase: "The company is conducting a review." Improved with Verb Alone: "The company is reviewing."

4. Verb+Noun Phrase: "He will provide assistance." Improved with Verb Alone: "He will assist."

5. Verb+Noun Phrase: "We need to carry out an analysis." Improved with Verb Alone: "We need to analyze."

6. Verb+Noun Phrase: "The government will implement an enforcement." Improved with Verb Alone: "The government will enforce."

7. Verb+Noun Phrase: "They are going to have a discussion." Improved with Verb Alone: "They are going to discuss."

8. Verb+Noun Phrase: "She will take a photograph." Improved with Verb Alone: "She will photograph."

9. Verb+Noun Phrase: "The team will do a presentation." Improved with Verb Alone: "The team will present."

10. Verb+Noun Phrase: "He plans to make a prediction." Improved with Verb Alone: "He plans to predict."

In each of these examples, the verb alone conveys the action more directly and succinctly, which is generally preferred in effective communication.

Noun-Noun: Limits to use of the adjectival noun

 

In English, the noun-noun construction, where the first noun functions adjectivally, is not arbitrarily applicable for any combination of nouns. The phrase needs to be either pre-established in the language or readily interpretable. An awkward phrase like "comfort mechanism" illustrates the constraints of this construction. The effectiveness of a noun-noun phrase relies heavily on the clarity and immediacy of the relationship between the two nouns. Commonly accepted phrases like "coffee table" or "window frame" work because the adjectival noun (coffee, window) clearly modifies the primary noun (table, frame) in a way that is instantly understandable. These combinations are part of the standard lexicon and have widely recognized meanings. So here are some that do not. Reading these, you will have no clear idea of what is meant: Happiness Engine: Similar to "comfort mechanism," the term "happiness engine" is ambiguous. "Happiness" is an abstract concept, and its connection to a mechanical term like "engine" is not immediately clear or logical without further context. Fear Landscape: This phrase combines an abstract emotion, "fear," with a concrete noun, "landscape." The resulting phrase lacks immediate clarity, as it's not obvious how an emotion like fear can directly modify or characterize a landscape. Dream Fabric: Here, "dream," an abstract concept, is paired with "fabric," a tangible material. The connection between the two is not inherently clear, making the phrase puzzling without additional context. Memory Tower: In this phrase, "memory," an abstract noun, is combined with "tower," a physical structure. The metaphorical use might be intriguing, but the phrase doesn't convey a clear, specific idea on its own. Silence Ocean: This combination of "silence," a state or condition, with "ocean," a large body of water, creates a phrase that is metaphorically rich but lacks immediate, clear meaning without further explanation. This limitation in noun-noun constructions is not just a matter of familiarity but also of semantic clarity. For a novel combination to be effective, it must convey a clear and specific idea where the modifying noun directly and understandably influences the meaning of the primary noun. In cases where this clarity is absent, as with "comfort mechanism," the construction fails to communicate effectively, highlighting the need for either established usage or immediate comprehensibility in such phrases.

"Individual"

The term "individual" carries a weight of philosophical and political implications, particularly relating to the autonomy and rights of a person as distinct from the collective. Therefore, when writing essays, using "person" or "people" is often more neutral and less loaded with these historical and philosophical connotations.

 "Individual" should be reserved for contexts where the focus is on highlighting these specific aspects of autonomy, rights, and distinctions from a collective or group.

Individualism, as a concept deeply rooted in the Age of Enlightenment, carries with it significant historical and philosophical connotations. It emerged as a key idea during this period, emphasizing the moral worth and autonomy of the individual. This notion significantly influenced the U.S. Constitution, the writings of philosophers like Rousseau, and was a driving force in the French Revolution.

1. U.S. Constitution: The U.S. Constitution, particularly in the Bill of Rights, embodies the principles of individualism by safeguarding individual liberties and rights against the potential tyranny of the majority or the state. It emphasizes the protection of personal freedoms and individual rights, which was a radical shift from the previously dominant collective or state-centric ideologies.

2. Rousseau: Jean-Jacques Rousseau, a prominent Enlightenment thinker, contributed to the idea of individualism through his concept of the "noble savage," which posited that individuals in their natural state are inherently good but are corrupted by society and its institutions. Rousseau's emphasis on individual moral integrity and the natural goodness of individuals was a cornerstone in the development of individualistic thought.

3. French Revolution: The French Revolution, inspired by Enlightenment ideals, brought individualism to the forefront of social and political change. It emphasized individual rights and freedoms, challenging the traditional collectivist order of the monarchy and the church. The revolutionary slogan "Liberty, Equality, Fraternity" encapsulated this shift towards valuing the individual within the societal structure.

 

Proves to be

Very often "proves to be" is used where "turns out to be" is needed.

Was there a proof, a demonstration, a test of some sort?  Was something put under pressure or stress-tested or logically challenged? 

If the answer is no to these questions, then do not use "prove" as your verb. 

Use of said in creative writing

 FOCUS

Said---> Action;

Huffed, puffed, screamed, shouted, murmured, moaned, shrieked, roared --> Character. 

xxNon-agency of fictional characters

 

"The characters use...."

No they do not. They are characters; they do not exist. Characters cannot "use" anything because they have no existence and therefore no agency. It is the writer, the author, the prose, the words that do all this. The characters are just other words: you have to understand this fundamental point. Lady Carlotta is no more real than the train she missed. She cannot "use" a tone to make YOU react. That's the author who's doing that

who is presented as an impulsive character 

Your grasp of the concepts is still flimsy and your comments indicate that you still misunderstand some of the concepts. But, as I said in the long note above, you need to start by resetting your whole frame of mind when doing this sort of stuff. Reading like a writer, like a critic comes AFTER you have read like a reader. The idea is you read, enjoy and then go back to see how it was done, It is at this point you  need to change  your whole attitude: the characters ar3e no longer characters but simply words on a page, and they are not your friends; the story is being told by a voice that you may have notices, but now need to describe. Whose is it? What tone does it have and so on.

To think outside the box is the phrase, which, being a cliché, is a favorite of people who never do.

This point of view helps the reader understand

External detail used to communicate otherwise invisibile feelings. Consider; characters can express emotions (i) through thoughts, which means the narrator must have access to their mind; (ii) through actions; (iii) through external descriptions that stand for their mood and set the mood of the text.

abode: It is sill used a lot, often on official forms and therefore sometimes in jest (of the mock-formal type).

Dialogue is used to make the narrator feel invisible: The problem  here starts with the passive and the omission of agent: "Dialogue is used" By whom? By the narrator? No, because the opposite is the case:  when there is dialogue the narrator is silent. So you must be talking about the author, which usually not helpful for the purposes of  direct textual analysis. We don't care about the author or his sex or his politics  for now, we care only about how words work on the page, regardless of author. 

Consequently that verb "used" is inappropriate because it implies that there  is a purpose and a use to the dialogue (or whatever else you may single out with that and similar phrases such as  description is used, adjectives are deployed, paratactical structures are added etc). Passives remind the reader  of the missing author. 

Just say the dialogue/the long/short sentences, densely metaphorical language/finely structured sentences/ the series of  exclamations/ the adverbs/ ... the whatever you're talking about  do this and do that: not that they are used  fior that purpose. 

Clumsy variation

Clumsy variation is the same as "elegant variation", the latter term being deliberately ironic. Go here for a good Wikipedia explanation.


Meanwhile, here are some examples of extremely clumsy attempts at variation. Even if you would never commit such atrocities as these, pay attention to how they arise:

1. The sun was shining brightly, casting shadows on the ground as the celestial sphere made its way across the sky.
   Better: The sun was shining brightly, casting shadows on the ground as it made its way across the sky.
   
   
2. He picked up the book, scanned its pages, and the tome was placed back on the shelf.
    Better: He picked up the book, scanned its pages, and placed it back on the shelf.
   
   
3. The girl played the piano skillfully, while the female performer's fingers danced across the keys.
   Better: The girl played the piano skillfully, while her fingers danced across the keys.
   
   
4. She gazed at the river, and the flowing body of water seemed to carry her worries away.
   Better: She gazed at the river, which  seemed to carry her worries away.
   
   
5. The soccer player dribbled past the defenders, and the magnificent athlete scored a goal.
   Better: "The soccer player dribbled past the defenders and scored a goal.
   
   
6. The author wrote a novel, and the wordsmith's work was well-received by the critics.
    Better: The author wrote a novel that was well-received by the critics.
   
   
7. The teacher provided everyone with examples of elegant variation and dire warnings of its destructive power,  yet the students blithely ignored their instructor's anguished pleas and carried on as before. 
   Better: The teacher provided everyone with examples of elegant variation and dire warnings of its destructive power,  yet the students blithely ignored his anguished pleas and carried on as before. 
   
   
8. The bird soared through the sky, and the winged creature landed gracefully on a branch. Better: The bird soared through the sky and landed gracefully on a branch.
   
   
9. Hohn stepped into the room, and the newcomer's gaze scanned the surroundings.
    Better: John stepped into the room, and his gaze scanned the surroundings.
   
   
10. The artist dipped the brush into the paint, and with calculated strokes, the creative mind transformed the canvas.
    Better: "The artist dipped the brush into the paint, and with calculated strokes, [she] transformed the canvas.
    
    
11. The detective arrived at the crime scene, and the investigator scrutinized every detail.
     Better: "The detective arrived at the crime scene and scrutinized every detail.
    
    
12. The waves crashed against the shore, and the relentless force reshaped the coastline.
     Better: The waves crashed against the shore and reshaped the coastline with their relentless force.
    
    
13. The thunderstorm raged outside, and the furious tempest rattled the windows.
    Better: The thunderstorm raged outside and rattled the windows.
    
    
14. The lawyer presented the evidence, and the skilled advocate made a compelling case.
     Better: "The lawyer presented the evidence and made a compelling case.
    
    
15. The architect designed the building, and the visionary creator considered every detail.
     Better: "The architect designed the building and considered every detail."

Hesitancy and uncertainty

 

Guard against the risk of sounding hesitant, which is often the effect of words such as can, could, help, start, begin, commence, process, contribute to, could. If you say someone began to organize, you imply a doubt, which you do not then resolve, as to whether the person managed to finish what they started.

The author aims tries attempts

Think about this for a moment and ask yourself whether it makes sense to say that an author "aims" or "tries" or "attempts" to do anything. After all, the author's intentions are embedded in the text, which is all we have got, but which should be enough. So, unless the author has failed in some way, we should talk about the only thing we can talk about meaningfully, which is the text.

Forget about what you think authors might have been trying, aiming or attempting to do when they wrote the words that you are supposed to be analysing. You have the results of the attempt, namely the text. Talk about that rather than speculating about the authors' intentions.

The real problem is that when you do this, you are implying that the writer has failed in their mission. Consider  the following handful of examples,  in which the second critical part of the sentence seems a natural consequence of the assignment of terms of endeavor and effort to the author. All the sentences therefore refer to authorial failure. 

1. In her novel, the author attempts to explore the complexities of human relationships through her characters' interactions, but her heavy-handed use of symbolism often detracts from the authenticity of their emotions.
2. The narrator seems to be trying to create a sense of foreboding in the reader by constantly hinting at an impending tragedy, but this predictability ultimately diminishes the impact of the story's climax.
3. The author's aim to subvert traditional gender roles in her protagonist's portrayal is admirable, but her reliance on stereotypical characterizations of supporting characters undermines this effort.
4. The narrator aspires to convey the harsh realities of life in the inner city through his vivid descriptions of poverty and violence, but his constant use of profanity and graphic language may turn some readers away.
5. The author's attempt to weave multiple storylines together into a cohesive narrative is impressive, but the sheer number of characters and plot threads can make the story difficult to follow at times.