Clumsy variation

Clumsy variation is the same as "elegant variation", the latter term being deliberately ironic. Go here for a good Wikipedia explanation.


Meanwhile, here are some examples of extremely clumsy attempts at variation. Even if you would never commit such atrocities as these, pay attention to how they arise:

1. The sun was shining brightly, casting shadows on the ground as the celestial sphere made its way across the sky.
   Better: The sun was shining brightly, casting shadows on the ground as it made its way across the sky.
   
   
2. He picked up the book, scanned its pages, and the tome was placed back on the shelf.
    Better: He picked up the book, scanned its pages, and placed it back on the shelf.
   
   
3. The girl played the piano skillfully, while the female performer's fingers danced across the keys.
   Better: The girl played the piano skillfully, while her fingers danced across the keys.
   
   
4. She gazed at the river, and the flowing body of water seemed to carry her worries away.
   Better: She gazed at the river, which  seemed to carry her worries away.
   
   
5. The soccer player dribbled past the defenders, and the magnificent athlete scored a goal.
   Better: "The soccer player dribbled past the defenders and scored a goal.
   
   
6. The author wrote a novel, and the wordsmith's work was well-received by the critics.
    Better: The author wrote a novel that was well-received by the critics.
   
   
7. The teacher provided everyone with examples of elegant variation and dire warnings of its destructive power,  yet the students blithely ignored their instructor's anguished pleas and carried on as before. 
   Better: The teacher provided everyone with examples of elegant variation and dire warnings of its destructive power,  yet the students blithely ignored his anguished pleas and carried on as before. 
   
   
8. The bird soared through the sky, and the winged creature landed gracefully on a branch. Better: The bird soared through the sky and landed gracefully on a branch.
   
   
9. Hohn stepped into the room, and the newcomer's gaze scanned the surroundings.
    Better: John stepped into the room, and his gaze scanned the surroundings.
   
   
10. The artist dipped the brush into the paint, and with calculated strokes, the creative mind transformed the canvas.
    Better: "The artist dipped the brush into the paint, and with calculated strokes, [she] transformed the canvas.
    
    
11. The detective arrived at the crime scene, and the investigator scrutinized every detail.
     Better: "The detective arrived at the crime scene and scrutinized every detail.
    
    
12. The waves crashed against the shore, and the relentless force reshaped the coastline.
     Better: The waves crashed against the shore and reshaped the coastline with their relentless force.
    
    
13. The thunderstorm raged outside, and the furious tempest rattled the windows.
    Better: The thunderstorm raged outside and rattled the windows.
    
    
14. The lawyer presented the evidence, and the skilled advocate made a compelling case.
     Better: "The lawyer presented the evidence and made a compelling case.
    
    
15. The architect designed the building, and the visionary creator considered every detail.
     Better: "The architect designed the building and considered every detail."